Real Talk with MandiLynn

Anonymous asked: Where are you working?

Working…. funny.

Life is not ideal.

Love.

Many times in life you will find yourself having feelings for someone, someone who may or may not return said feelings. It is ideal for 2 people to love each other the same, and at the same pace, but life is never ideal.

Sometimes being in love with someone who does not feel the same way as you do. It’s not a problem - you can fix those, this is almost like “it’s raining outside” - just have to deal.

Also, love is a peculiar thing. There is an almost ludicrous asymmetry between two people. The person at the top of your best friend list may rank you only at the middle of his or her list. I once gave a best friend, a birthday card, which read “Happy Birthday to my best friend” on the cover. On the inside however… it read “really you are like my 3rd or 4th best friend, but they don’t make cards for that” I often wonder if that was offensive. But if we know anything about me, it’s that I often wonder too much as it is.

Sometimes you find yourself in a relationship that doesn’t work out. If you belive in destiny then you have to know that things happen when they are meant to. People part for reasons beyond human comprehension but the reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That’s the power of destiny.

The older I get (yeah I know all 23 years of old), the more I believe that some people are full of the capacity to love… and others are incapable of it in the romantic sense, for whatever reason. Fear of committment. A distorted view of freedom. The desire to stay young forever?

A lesson I am struggling to make a part of my daily life is; ”Deal with reality.” Don’t stop hoping, dreaming, etc. But just keep in mind that many times in this life, things are not ideal… it just is what it is. 

When you love and accept reality at the same time, you are forced to move on (whatever that means for you, sometimes moving on is simply moving forward).

When you deal with reality and move on without love, you take bitterness with you. When you love without dealing with reality, you hurt yourself. Love the other person, Accept the reality and pray to God for the wisdom and strength you’ll need to do that continuously until it ceases to become a problem.

I am of the mindset that prayer helps in all things. Pray and tell God that you need help, sometimes just that helps. Ask God to take this from you - and He will. Then continue to deal with reality. 

There is one more thing I can recommend when unrequited love or conflict is the case in which life is not idea; There are times when you may feel very weak and feel you need to talk to that other person even though they may just hurt you again, you don’t know why you want to talk to them, you just do. I’ve been able to get by these “weak” moments by writing down exactly what I’m feeling at the time, it comes out in a jumble of feelings and thoughts, some not so pleasant, but in the end it actually helps and I don’t feel the need to call the person anymore.

You can never be happy, successful or content until you accept yourself as you are, love yourself for who you are, forgive yourself for decisions and actions that have brought you pain, never settle for anything less then what you desire and deserve

Time. 

There is never enough of it. We take it for granted. We do sometimes forget though, that there is A LOT of time. When you need to you should always allow yourself time to grieve and never force yourself to get over someone or something. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, cry, write about it, listen to sad songs. Soon you will feel so tired from hurting all of the time. You will be ready to move forward. 

Strength.

Some people might say to be strong means you can defeat any opponent who stands in your way. Others might say it has to do with relying on others to help you, but not too much so that you seem weak.

I think being strong means that you’re able to do things, unlike anyone else. You’d rely on people to help you, and with your allies, become stronger in a way that is different from what anyone could’ve imagined.

There is never an ideal reason one has to find strength.

This year while Christmas shopping I will observe these simple rules:

1. When purchasing gifts that require little thought about the person, such as a bottle of wine or a pair of gloves. One must purchase high quality items. I swear to god if someone gets me a shitty thoughtless gift, I will not think at least they thought to get me something at all. I will think what a shitty thoughtless gift. If you want me to be happy you thought of me at all send a card. I am at an age where a card means enough. 

2. Making gifts is always okay. It takes more time, and means more always. The days of “mixed tapes,” homemade personalized coupon books, and plates of family recipe cookies should be reborn. 

3. Ask people what they want. Get them that and something they need. I hate getting a gift that is both something useless and something I didn’t even want. I also don’t love getting something I needed, but would have preferred something I wanted… for example, getting a bag of socks is rad, you can always use socks… BUT getting a pack of pink toed and heeled, no nonsense, no show, thin but warm cotton, socks, is SUPER rad. And simply who can bitch about getting something they wanted. I can’t and I can bitch about almost anything. I mean why else would I have this blog. 

4. Don’t buy holiday bullshit. What do I want with a stupid Santa doll? Or a cute stuffed reindeer? That’s like giving someone a cheap set of claire’s earrings… your ears will turn green, and all the glitter wears off after one wear then what do you do with it? Or boy’s it’s like getting a third party video game made after a shitty movie you didn’t even see. Or worse receiving that CD that sits on the counters at Starbuck’s next to the chocolate covered grams and Naked juice.

5. Now that you all know you will be getting nice presents from me, don’t fuck this up. Happy Holiday’s  

This has been Realtalk. 

Love, 

M

So, Here we are gang. It’s the beginning of yet another week, and all I can think about is how it has ONLY been a week since last week.

I have seen both sides of 6 a.m. far too many days in a row for my taste these past few weeks.

Sometimes you spend so much time thinking about things that you miss out on other things.

Important things.

I am the kinda person who obsessively questions and rethinks every little thing.I mean think carefully about what you say to me. I will remember it. And by that I mean I WILL think about it over and over. I think about how you said it, why, what we were talking about before and after that made you think to say it. I think about the way you said it, where you were looking, what you were holding… every last thing.

I mean there are totes more important things to think about then what you say… 

I mean my best friend from high school is having a baby in less than a week. The first part of the finale of my all time favorite book turned to movie series is coming out in less than a week. I need a job, my house is a disaster… etc.

But what I am thinking about is what all of you are saying. What are words anyway… I hate them almost as much as I hate people.

it’s true I hate people. I am an only child I like to be alone… but I NEVER am.

I am one of those people who say my best friend and I… and you have no clue who the friend is because I somehow hate people and have 7 best friends… I feel like to have 7 people you consider your most important people you have to have at least 30 or so super important people and twice as many just important people not to mention everything below that…. UGH. its absolutely exhausting.

Sometimes you meet someone though… and you just know right away that that person is something else… super fucking special ya know… and they are like meant to be there, meeting them serves some sorta… well purpose. Maybe you’ll learn a lesson, who knows maybe that person helps you figure your life out. It could be a rommate, a teacher, friend or even a stranger….But you talk to them listen to what they say… then it happens… you start to think about things… AGAIN. 

Shit happens… horrible, painful, unfair stupid shit always happens… to everyone. Captain Hindsight and his asshole friends Shoulda, Coulda and Woulda step up to the plate and fuck up your week just like they did the last time you were blogging and thinking about dying your hair at 4:00am. Everyone tells you it will be okay… this too shall pass but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or  if I can be super cliche heart.

It’s like small tests… if life was easy… it would be well easy… safe and comfortable… smooth and evenly paved… but dull and utterly pointless.

So back to the things people say… or even just the people… they affect your life, your success and downfall…

They help you create yourself… who you will become. Most people say even the negative people and experiences have an impact… “even” is not the right word… I feel its these experiences that are the most important… something about trauma that sticks with us… we always remember things more vividly if we were the ones hurt or embarrassed.

If someone loves you… you are expected to love them back… why?

If someone hurts you… you are supposed to forgive them… fuck that. I don’t need to learn about trust… or the importance of being cautious to opening my heart….

Make every day count… I hate counting and I HATE MATH… 

Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. EH….

Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say. Why I have enough people to listen to.

Fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. okay… I’ll get right on that… the possibility of rejection and pain aren’t stressful… This should be great!

Have no regrets… And if you love someone tell them… you never know what tomorrow may have in store…. BLAH BLAH BULLSHIT BLAH…

 
Think About it? Was it worth it?

What I am trying to say is this. I care about everything far too much to be so very apathetic.

This is a book… I am going to write it.

<3

It’s hard to come up with realtalk when there is nothing to bitch about it!

So I wrote some of this back when I was 11 or 12 and sick the first time. I added a few things they are in bold. If I completed it, it has a strike through…

We could totes do this Gang!

(listed in no particular order.)

1. Go skinny dipping.
2. Ride every ride at Kings Island.
3. Ride the Dumbo ride at Disney World
4. Go to Disney World
5. Go to Universal Studios
6. Visit Ireland
7. Visit NewZealand
8. Try Drugs.
9. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
10. Meet Rupert Grint
11. Go on a “girls only” trip with my best friend.
12. Laugh until I pee my pants.
13. Attend photography classes.
14. Tour the Statue of Liberty.
15. Go on an Alaskan cruise.
16. Light a firecracker.
17. Swim with dolphins.
18. Witness newly-hatched sea turtles making the dangerous trek from their nest to the sea.
19. Muster up the courage to wear a bikini at the beach sans cover-up.
20. Grow my hair out long enough to reach my lower back.
21. Cut all that hair off and donate it to Locks of Love.
22. Volunteer my time with the elderly.
23. Eat sushi.
24. Buy a classic car.
25. Learn to sew.
26. Win a stuffed animal from one of those claw machines.
27. Dance with someone under the stars.
28. Ride a roller coaster.
29. Ride a camel
30. Ride an elephant
31. Ice skate on a frozen lake.
32. Make a random stranger smile.
33. Grow my own vegetables.
34. Get up and sing at a karaoke bar.
35. Ride a horse. 
36. Be in two places at one time.
37. Go surfing.
38. Bake my own bread.
39. Watch the sun rise.
40. Learn to snowboard.
41. Give baked beans a chance.
42. Knit a scarf.
43. Read all day in bed.
44. Learn to play an  5 instruments.
45. Ride a mechanical bull.
46. Hang upside down on the monkey bars.
47. Ride a kayak.
48. Scuba dive.
49.  Bake a cake from scratch.
50. Sit on a porch swing on a warm summer night. 
51. Get my Black Belt.
52. Learn to salsa.
53. Own a sexy red dress.
54. Learn to ride a motorcycle.
55. Fly somewhere.
56. Fly first class. 
57. Kiss a frog.
58. Publish a book.
59. Go deep sea fishing.
60. Clean and gut a fish.
61. Learn to say “I love you” in ten different languages.
62. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
63. Eat dessert first.
64. Learn to juggle three balls at a time.
65. Pelt random strangers with snowballs and get away with it.
66. Visit Jerusalem.
67. Spend a day at the spa.
68. Take the official IQ test 
69. Learn to play decently at cards/poker
70. Learn to play golf
71. Learn to play piano by ear
72. Learn conversational Spanish
73. Learn to sail 
74. Tell someone about Jesus
75. Complete a real family tree.
76. Be able to identify more constellations (beyond Orion & the Dippers)
77. Build a really great tree house.
78. Write a song
79. Invent something & take out a patent
80. Become handy with some new dangerous tools
81. Visit all 7 continents. Yes, this includes Antarctica. 
82. Visit all US national parks 
83. Visit every US state (ONLY 7 TO GO!)
84. See the pyramids & the Sphinx (Egypt, not Vegas) 
85. Walk the Great Wall 
86. Visit the Terra Cotta Warriors in Xian
87. Visit Beijing, China 
88. Visit the Taj Mahal, India
89. See the 7 Wonders of the world
90. Visit France
91. Go to Austria
92. Sleep in a castle
93. See Italy 
94. Visit Japan
95. See a theatre in Greece
96. Big heads on Easter Island
97. Ride in a Hot Air balloon and/or a Zeppelin
98. Walk longish segments of the Appalachian Trail 
99. Take a cruise 
100. Travel by train across the US 83.
101. Take a US roadtrip from coast to coast 84.
102. Take flight Lessons
103. See the northern lights 
104. Take a helicopter ride
105. Go whitewater rafting 
106.  Live in or travel around another country for a few months
107. Marry someone 
108. Give Birth
109. Get back under 200 pounds 
110. Create a unique recipe that’s pretty darn good
111. See the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco 
112. See Mount Rushmore 
113. See the Empire State Building 
114. Climb up the Statue of Liberty 
115. Go to Faneuil Hall Marketplace, Boston
116. Finish high school 
117. Get a college degree 
118. Get a Masters
119. Get a PhD 
120. Get into Juilliard 
121. Get an Honorary Degree 
122. Give the Commencement Speech at a major university
123. Be interviewed on Oprah. 
124. Be Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
125. Have a street named after you.
126. Be inducted into a Hall of Fame 
127. Be awarded a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame
128. Cut the ribbon at a major opening.
129. Win an Emmy.
130. Make the front page of the newspaper.
131. Be interviewed on The Today Show. Swim with dolphins
132. Go whale-watching 
133. Go on safari.
134. Milk a cow
135. Get your palms read.
136. See a psychic.
137. Get a tarot card reading. 
138. Watch a baseball game at Wrigley Field- Chicago, IL
139. Watch a basketball game at Madison Square Garden  
140. Audition for American idol 
141. Audition for a role in a movie 
142. Audition for a Broadway play 
143. Audition for a sitcom

Its Sunday morning, you are with the one you love. Its times like these I find it easy to just be happy. There are so many things going on in our lives these days, it makes it hard to breath. Stress, pains, problems and all other sorts of discomfort seem to take a break for a little while.

This is in my opinion the time we get closest to utopia.

Maybe I am just an overly dramatic romantic, but I really have some ideas about this.

You have just woken up you are in that state of mind right between dreaming and reality. Sun seeps in through the blinds, you smell coffee being brewed. Next you become more conscious, you feel completely rested. You look beside you and the person you love is staring at you.

Now I have always questioned this fact; why it is that staring makes us so uneasy, from a young age we are taught not to stare at strangers. We force ourselves to do anything but stare at someone who is disfigured or who has a disability in hopes that we will not point out their differences. We even nark to our parents if a sibling or childhood friend is staring at us!

It’s so strange to me though that in this one instance, staring makes us feel the most beautiful, loved and valued that we have ever been.

I assume it’s just another one of those things love does that no one can explain.

Now you look back at them staring too, and no one says anything.

Anyone who has ever been in love knows this moment. It may not be when you first wake up but if it has happened to you, you understand what I am about to say. It’s for this brief moment that all other things drift out of existence. All worries and thoughts gone, but its here and now that we get to almost read another’s mind.

To me it’s as close as I will ever get.

Here and now is when I feel most vulnerable, because if I can look into their mind they must be in mine. Most often this is the time when we are able to look into our own hearts, it doesn’t matter what it is in life that we are struggling with because, we are able to say, “it’s going to be ok.”.

I have always admired people who seem to have the gift of optimism. Now I am not saying that I am a pessimist because I am not by any means. But I am a realist in most cases.

It really becomes quite tiring. I love life, well at least the idea of life. It’s the bills, money, stress, work, fighting, health and loss I don’t love so much. It’s never been hard for me to see the sliver lining but, it has been hard to see it within reach. I

’m not sure why I am this way. I look at it like this life is much like a game of cards. Each and every player dealt a hand. Some hands though are not a full seven cards; some souls give only one card, while others seem to have 12. The score of each hand also is a bit different with each person. Some of us have been given a royal flush, while others hold nothing other than the joker. Each of us must deal with what we are given, and when it is given.

My late cousin Nick was sadly very ill his whole life. He was victim to over 7 types of cancer and had struggled with them since age 6. I never knew how someone with so many reasons to have bitterness just didn’t. I will never forget something he said after a big family holiday dinner, “Mom don’t be upset about all the dirty dishes, be happy we had food to dirty them.”

I have an epically long name full name(AmandaLynn Adams Anderson) that’s really just two first name squished together and two last names. I don’t mind being called Mandi, BUT hate Amanda.

My room is never clean. EVER. and that’s okay.

I am insecure and care way too much…which is kinda funny.

Spiders are the worst creatures on this planet.

I am seriously like for real…. really really afraid of the dark…. like really.

I make up “mandisms” or catch phrases because of my lack of an actual vocabulary. My largest insecurity is my speech.

I love the Beatles. 

I think I was born in the wrong time… but I am not sure which one I belong in… I sometimes think the 50’s but then I remember how I like to be in control… and how I am a woman.

All I truly want from life is to have a real family.

I have never ridden in a plane. Soon I will no longer be able to say that.

My favorite animals are Panda Bears, Sea Horses, and Elephants

People make fun of me because I say “My Best Friend” when referring to at least 5 different people.

Spelling and I well, we are mortal enemies. (I just asked mark how to spell enemies)

I am more apathetic than any person should ever be.

I have a sweet job… and you should be jealous.

I have a second degree black belt, in 3 types of  Martial arts. taekwondo, jujitsu, and kempo… *don’t believe me, Its totally true.

I really miss my dog bandit… he was awesome.

I have trouble saying no. 

My hair is epic. It can do anything.

I love to swim.

I love scrap booking soooo much its kinda sicking.

I love headbands, and MOST of all Bows.

I am totes into sewing

I have some of the best friends in the world. like no joke, the best. 

I hate driving. But I think I am really good at it. 

I have no will power 

I keep a journal

I play the Cello like a fucking Champ.

I have no clue what I want to do with my life. But have a feeling I’ll be epic.

People tell me I am too vain and prideful… I tell them they are jealous.

I have a sweet Bucketlist which I am gonna post here soon.

I really think it says something that I waited until now to say that I am 100% in love with all things Harry Potter (EXCEPT Ginny Weasley.)

In the last few days I have recieved text messages consisting of only “xoxo’s”, ” 57 <3’s”, “FUCK U’s”, and “8====D’s”…. I think that says something about my best friends.

I however am not sure what it says about me.

I hope it means something good.